Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
