omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
