I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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