tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
