He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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