she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
