i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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