Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
