We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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