so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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