Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
