If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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