My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
