So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
