I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize