She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
