I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
