my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
