I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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