you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize