This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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