I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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