It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
