you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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