just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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