You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
