wanna go halves on a baby?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
