i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
