I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
