we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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