i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
