Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize