hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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