What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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