just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
