Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
