you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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