Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
