after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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