ugly people sure do ruin things
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
