you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
