The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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