I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize