Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
