Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
