Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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