Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
