sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
