I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
