Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
