Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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