Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
