Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
