Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
