Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
They are going to name an STD after you.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
