Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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