Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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