There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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