i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She needs sedatives and a leash
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
