we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
