remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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