so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
