Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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