The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
