Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
