none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
