it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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