it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
