dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize