If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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