Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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