at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This baby is an asshole
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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