none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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